I recently had an IM chat session with a long distance friend with whom things had been tense. The chat was one-way from the start: their answers to my questions were short & trite and they expressed no interest in how I was doing. The tension was still evident, and the episode made me think of my own IM etiquette and chat behavior.
Unlike face-to-face or even telephone conversations, text based communications obviously have fewer channels to convey emotive and non-linguistic cues. Emoticons 
, SHOUTING, and typefaces for example, have evolved as non-verbal modes of adding meaning to plain text. Silence and otherwise non-responsiveness conveys a confusing range of emotional states: from distraction, disinterest, or even disdain. Respectful, friendly instant textual communications requires awareness of these alternate channels and their implications. I don’t always get it right myself, but I do try.
Irrationally, I occasionally find myself annoyed when a friend innocently pops up to chat, typically when I am in the middle of reading, or dare I say–thinking. I catch my silliness, of course: I’d change my status or simply not log in if I wanted to avoid this non-issue. I will invariably reply to a quick hello, answer a quick question, or gently inform the other party that I simply am not free at the moment. Honest, respectful communications are key, keeping in mind I’m just as apt to unknowingly interrupt in return.
In this case, I was trying to break the ice by expressing some curiosities to catch up on what I missed. After no real reciprocation, it was time to cut my losses and call it a night. I hadn’t put much thought into the it until I checked my Twitter stream. My friend decided to tweet about my chat with amusement, and in the process apparently mis-read my question. The most annoying part was that they expended more energy–typed more words–to their followers than in replying to me.
In the end, I want to chalk this up this up to immaturity instead of arrogance, but I fear it’s a little of both. Perhaps I’m overreacting, but I’m going to scale back efforts to be this person’s friend. That said, I’ve learned a lesson here, a reminder of the Golden Rule where I will strive to communicate better with my friends in this digital age.